Should you “Take the Beating” or Defend Your Boundaries?

Hearing the Prosecutor suggest Kyle Rittenhouse should have just taken the beating rather than defend himself with a gun amazed me. But, after thinking about it a little longer, it really shouldn’t amaze me. I see how this belief is playing out in our United States everywhere. Because we’re not really united, are we?

People Project Their Fears Externally

You can tell when you’ve got a lot of faith that things will work out by your emotions, whether you’re pessimistic vs. optimistic.

A large segment thinks just carrying a gun is provocation. But that’s the same as saying just wearing a short skirt means you were looking to get raped. I mentioned in a previous article that the fear of guns would disappear if the affected person got rid of fear. Fear is a lack of faith that everything will be alright.

So people who don’t have faith tend to be more fearful. But their fear isn’t because of the person with a gun. Their fear is because of their own beliefs or lack of faith, as I talk about in this article about how no one can offend you. Jesus actually seemed to understand where the “fault” resided when he told men who lusted to pluck out their eyes if they couldn’t control their lust. He never suggested that the woman dress differently. (Matthew 5:28-30)

Rather than confronting personal fears and rage that resides in their hearts, many people just blame others. They put the responsibility to assuage their fears onto other people. For example, a person afraid of guns gets mad at gun owners rather than take personal responsibility for their fear. Someone who takes personal responsibility for their fear will find a solution, such as therapy or meditation.

Another example would be a person who is afraid of Trump being President getting enraged when thinking about people voting for him. I wrote another blog post about that woman who wanted to burn a child alive simply for wearing a Trump mask. It takes a lot of rage to want to do that. That rage is because there is an initial fear of Trump and whatever he stands for in her head. If she had different beliefs about what a Trump win would mean, she wouldn’t be afraid of it. If she wasn’t afraid of a Trump win, she wouldn’t care at all if a child wore that particular mask.

In this day and age most people don’t realize the problem is their beliefs and thoughts. Instead, they project and scapegoat the problem onto whoever or whatever they’re fearful of, making themselves slaves to what they fear. It’s only when you face your fear and interrogate it (ask “is this really true?” to your beliefs about it) that you finally become free.

Internal vs. External Locus of Control

It seems to me that many people on the left-side of politics tend to have an external locus of control. However, people on the right (or even libertarian/anarchists) tend to have an internal locus of control. The external locus of control is in harmony with Critical Race Theory tenets. And, those with an internal locus of control see the world in a completely different way. Because the left is incorporating Critical Race Theory beliefs into the schools, we’re seeing a large divide right now. These are dueling belief systems or faith-systems.

External Locus of Control

People with an external locus of control believe things are happening to them. They believe control over what happens to them is outside of their personal hands. They tend to have a fixed mindset also. In a fixed mindset, there’s no belief that if you studied more, you could improve your grades in the future. In that case, a child might blame God or parents for “making them stupid.” They might blame themselves for “being born stupid.” Or they might blame racist teachers/schools (if they believe in CRT tenets) for not teaching them well enough. People with an external locus of control will blame anyone and everything else before blaming themselves for not studying more.

This is what I was discussing earlier with people scapegoating fear onto others. A woman who feels the desire to burn a child alive because that child supports Trump is not dealing with her fear of what a Trump win would mean to her. Rather than focusing inward on her emotions, she projects her fear (turned to anger) externally onto other people.

Someone who has what is called Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS) has projected their personal fears onto Trump. The people afraid of catching COVID-19 project their fears of sickness onto the virus. Then, later on, they project their fear onto people they think could potentially have it. Once a person is projecting their own personal fears for health and safety onto another person, this person becomes the scapegoat. This scapegoat is now thrust into the “persecutor” spot of the drama triangle for them. Once someone has decided that another person a threat to their safety, they decide it is okay (morally) to attack. This is also why many Social Justice Warriors for Transgender people attack what they call TERFs as a slur. They say they’re for protecting LGBTQ+ members from harassment and then freely harass others when they feel they are morally right to do so.

To bring this back to Kyle for a moment, there are some who believe anyone who has a gun is a threat to them. They believe this because they’re projecting their internal fears (lack of faith) externally (into a fear of guns). Once they’ve decided that someone is doing something wrong (could endanger someone), they believe it’s okay (morally) for people to attack that person. This is why the leftists are okay with Kyle “taking a beating,” but not okay with a woman getting raped for wearing a short skirt.

It’s the same provocation reasoning, so they are hypocrites when they say one is okay and the other is not. But the reason they think the gun holder is at fault is because they have a fear of guns. However, they don’t have a fear of women wearing short skirts. In other words, they don’t believe a woman wearing a short skirt is going to affect their personal safety. But they do believe someone holding a gun could affect their personal safety.

Internal Locus of Control

People with an internal locus of control believe that they have control over what happens in their own life. The control over what they do, say, think, watch, and participate in, is all theirs. If something goes wrong, like not getting a good grade, they will “blame” themselves. “Blame” is a poor word, but in this case it just means they take the personal responsibility versus blaming others.

Rather than having a fixed mindset, they have a growth mindset, meaning they believe they can grow and become better versions of themselves. They will decide to study more, research, or ask the teacher to help them understand better. People with an internal locus of control are not going to blame other people for why they can’t get ahead. They will look for all of the things that they could do to improve their life and then do them.

People with an internal locus of control will be those against the victim mentality. Because they’d be against the victim mentality, they’ll also likely be outside of the drama triangle on many (if not all) issues. Because of this, they will be against Critical Race Theory. They can understand that someone may have been discriminated against in the past or abused in the past. But these people believe that you can grow from your past. They’ll say things like, “I’m not a victim, I’m a victor.” Or, say, “Everything that hurt me in the past taught me something and I have grown and turned that crap into fertilizer to grow something beautiful in my life.” They believe in taking personal responsibility and they will do the difficult work to get things done in their life.

To bring it back to Kyle, once again, a person with an internal locus of control who is afraid of guns would be the kind of person who would not stay around once they saw someone with a gun. They would be aware that they have to work on their fears. Rather than blaming the person with a gun just for having it, they would focus inward. They would just realize their own limitations, and not project their fears externally onto the person with a gun.

Taking a Beating & Boundaries

Children are born into this world not knowing boundaries. They don’t know the rules of what they should be allowed to do or not do. Growing up, I heard a lot of discussion over whether or not it was okay to spank your children. I think most of our nation decided spanking was wrong. I can’t say I disagree, however, I think people swung too far to the opposite side in a backlash. Parents decided not to chastise their children as much.

Then we got generations of children who were spoiled. The spoiled children weren’t given strong boundaries. These children grew up and raised children with even less boundaries. For example, a mother raising a child without gender has taken those gender boundaries away from the child. That wouldn’t have happened en masse a generation ago.

Boundaries Can be Beneficial

I grew up without any boundaries on what I could do with my life. I was told I could do anything. People think that’s a great thing, however, I never enjoyed it. I think it came from the feminist movement. In the past women were told they would have to stay home to do housework for the husband. That was a boundary that rightfully got pushed. However, the response went too far in a backlash. So when I was younger, feminists were promoting the idea that a woman could do anything.

People actually crave structure and boundaries. At times, I wish I had been told that I had to be an apprentice to some craft. I would have accepted it, focused on it, and become perfected in the craft. I have spent far too much of my life wondering what I should do for work. The ambiguity in a boundary of career has caused confusion in me in the past. NOTE: Because I have an internal locus of control, this explanation isn’t about complaining about my past at all. What I went through helps me to explain this concept here, now.

I also preferred having to wear a uniform in Catholic School over having to decide what to wear each day. I went to both Catholic School and public so I did experience both. Having to wear a uniform also cuts down on people making fun of others for their clothes. There are benefits to uniforms.

There’s also the same ambiguity in people who have no boundaries of who to date or marry. In some cultures people are betrothed to another. I know it’s just a movie, but take the Lion King, for example. Simba never had to worry about who to date and it actually worked out for him. I’m sure it doesn’t always work out. I’m sure some are abusive. But people willfully get married and end up in abusive relationships too. That’s not the point. The point is that someone betrothed won’t waste a lot of time trying to decide who to marry.

I’m not trying to say that we should all be told who to marry. Honestly I think that’s a horrible idea since parents couldn’t make that decision the way they could in the past. I’m not saying people should be forced to wear specific uniforms. I am anti-mask mandates. I don’t even think parents should be forcing a child into a career. My point here is just that people can actually enjoy having boundaries. There is some benefit to having a boundary.

Children Push & Love Boundaries

Children desire boundaries. They’re pushing the parents to figure out where those boundaries are so that they know. The are becoming more intelligent about the world and how it works when they find a boundary they can’t cross. It helps them to find safety and security in knowing how the world around them works. Teaching children boundaries helps to create a future mature, sane, adult.

Boundaries help the children. We tell a child it’s wrong to hit or kick the family dog. A child doesn’t know how the dog feels until you tell them or they extrapolate from the past. A parent should tell a child in whatever way possible what it’s like for the dog. If you explain “the dog feels the kind of pain that you did when your brother hit you,” they can start to understand it. When a child learns it is absolutely wrong to hit other innocent people/animals, they will not do that. If they do not hit the dog, they will not be subject to a bite from the dog. Telling a child not to hit people or animals helps the child to not get hurt in the future.

Bullying Explosion Clearly Shows Boundaries Were Not Enforced

If you look around at all of the cyber bullying we see today, it’s clear that people didn’t learn boundaries on bullying. People feel free to use slurs, like all of the usual suspects, and including TERF, cis, MAGAt, whypipo, and more. Somewhere along the line we didn’t draw the line. Children pushed those boundaries and got away with it, grew up, and taught their young to do the same.

A child taught to treat others with respect will have a much better life than a disrespectful child. Setting boundaries on how children interact with society is not a bad thing. It actually helps them.

The Beatings We’re “Supposed” to Be Taking

Now I come to the original purpose of this article. We have a bunch of adults acting like children because they don’t have boundaries themselves. The suggestion that someone should just “take a beating” could only be uttered by someone who doesn’t believe in self-defense. Who doesn’t believe in self-defense? Abusers.

What is self-defense? It is literally saying your body is a boundary that should not be crossed, and then defending that line. If someone is running towards your body to cause it harm, are you going to defend it? If someone wants to penetrate your body with theirs or with a needle, are you going to defend yourself?

Social Boundaries Are Being Pushed All Over

Gender Pronouns – Compelled Speech

This isn’t just about the Kyle Rittenhouse case. It is happening in all aspects of our society. If someone desires you call them by a particular pronoun, are you going to allow them to regulate your words? Where is your boundary going to be? When are you going to say, “No, that’s too far”?

Lockdowns and Mandates

I thought people were going to say no to masks. I was wrong. Covering their mouth and nose was okay with many people. I thought people were going to say no to shutting down their businesses because it affected their livelihoods. I was wrong.

Now, Biden did try to go through OSHA to force businesses to inject their employees, however many states said, “No. You can’t do that,” and sued him. It stopped it. He was trying to push how far he could go like a child. However, people decided that’s a boundary they wouldn’t let him cross.

Critical Race Applied Principles (CRAP)

Schools are introducing Critical Race Applied Principles (CRAP) into their curriculum. They’re not teaching the theory like it’s taught in universities, although the teachers likely learned it there. They are putting the theory (which is a religious belief) into the curriculum. This is them pushing a boundary. Our boundary here used to be top say we should not have a combination of church and state. Since CRAP is based on the faith, they’ve been disregarding this for some time. But it’s only when parents found out, perhaps due to the lockdowns, that they started to push back.

Some people believe that the state has more say in what children are taught than the parents. Do you agree? Will you let them do it? It became a hot topic, and faced a backlash in the latest election in Virginia. Some people stood up for their boundaries.

Sex & Gender Lines

Are we going to allow bodies with male DNA to enter women’s bathrooms, women’s shelters, and spas? People are pushing this boundary and succeeded in many places. Some have succeeded to push that boundary to the point that women in jail are becoming pregnant from rape. When will we say enough is enough and hold our ground on our boundaries?

Some parents are having their own children be medically “gender transitioned” through the schools or the other parent. Do you have a say in what your child does? Some people believe the child has more right to make this decision than the parent. Where do you draw your line on who gets to decide what medical procedures your child can/should go through? If you decide you, and only you, can make that decision, then expect push back. You will need to defend your boundary.

Abusers are Anti-Boundaries

It is an abuse tactic to say, “You provoked this attack.” It’s not a legal argument to say Kyle provoked the attack on his body just for having a gun. It’s not right to say to a lesbian that they deserved to be called “TERF” just because they don’t want to sleep with a biological male. There are a lot of various abuses going on as mentioned above. People everywhere are pushing boundaries in a myriad of places. They don’t want you to have a boundary because they are not used to having boundaries enforced. They’re used to getting their way.

As children it’s pretty easy to learn not to do something when someone enforces boundaries upon them. As life goes on, they maturely handle new boundaries. But if a child has been spoiled, they will act like a child when facing a boundary. We have spoiled adults running things in many places.

Draw Your Line in the Sand

It is difficult to stand your ground and protect your boundaries, because the other will act like a child and throw a tantrum. But you need to protect your boundaries or else they will continue to push them farther and farther.

Create a Boundary List

Consider creating a list of your boundaries that you won’t let people cross. That’s actually a lot easier than the next part. The next part is enforcing your boundaries. Even if it is a family member or close friend, you need to learn how to say, “No.”

If you tell a friend that something is a boundary and they disregard it and you get, rightfully, upset and explain it back to them, the friend who is mature will say, “You’re right,” and apologize. An emotionally mature person will accept that they did something that you had told them not to.

On the flip side, when you draw the line, the person (who hasn’t learned about boundaries yet) will label you as a persecutor in the drama triangle if you enforce it. They will play the victim, and say you’re the wrong/evil/bad person for having a boundary. This is a child-like response because they never reached maturity in this respect. Expect that it will be the response from an abuser, but stand firm. Even if they exit your life because of it, know that drawing a boundary was a good thing for them too. How else are they going to mature in this manner?

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